he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
