Who did Billy Mays play for?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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