If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
