i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
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