EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
if only i could text you this smell
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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