they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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