just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
