saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
