He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
