I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
