i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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