Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
