so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
