The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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