Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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