what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
