Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
