You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
