I want to stick my p in your. b.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
