OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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