Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
