exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
