2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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