So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
