Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
