can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize