but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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