After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize