Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
