the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
