Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
