a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
