we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
