totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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