she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
