i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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