I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
