i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
