So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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