bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
