So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize