lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize