Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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