ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
