I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize