You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
