meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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