I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
