Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
