Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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