if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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