you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize