it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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