So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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