do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
