You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize