he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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