someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
