Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
