stop calling my apartment porn island.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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