**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
