Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
