You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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