I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
