He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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