I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
