the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
