failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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