So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
