What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
