Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
